Evan slowly chewed on the grilled chicken teriyaki he had left over from last night’s dinner. His parents rented out a private room just for the three of them, celebrating Evan trying out for a movie roll that was being filmed in town. Evan knew he nailed the role of the lead character. His father had to pull a few strings to get him an audition, but after a few phones calls and a few donations, there was no way he could not get it. The email he just received told a different story. Evan felt himself growl as he starred at the email, rereading it over and over again, hoping it might say something different each time. He slowly chewed his chicken, not savoring the taste, as he digested the phrases ‘not appropriate’ and ‘not a good match for this character.’ There was one sentence that really caught his attention: Please come read for us again after taking some more acting lessons.
“I don’t need any fucking acting lessons,” he mumbled out loud as he forwarded the email to his dad, knowing exactly what his dad will say to them: You will be hearing from my lawyer. Evan’s alarm suddenly went off, knocking him out of his angry trance and into the reality of going back to work. Evan put his glass container away in his lunch bag, and looked around the break room. There was a wobbly table with four chairs, a brown and tan sofa that looks like it was found off a street corner, and a snack machine that displayed an array of colors that were meant to catch his eye and money. He groaned, feeling disgusting and dirty, as he surveyed what is now his future career.
“Time to go wipe more butts,” he mumbled to himself as he went upstairs. Today, he was ready to put in his notice and start his acting career. Instead, a simple email sealed his fate of being a West 18th employee a lot longer. He slowly walked up stairs to the main floor when he ran into another CNA. Evan stopped in the stairwell as they met. The CNA smirked and put one hand on his hip, staring Evan down, not saying a word.
“Yes?” asked Evan
“Do you remember me?” he asked. Evan rolled his eyes.
“No.”
“Well, I remember you. You are one of those…people,” said the CNA. Evan starred at him, noticed his light brown skin and the minor slant of his eyes. The CNA’s hair was slicked back with what smelled like American Crew. Evan looked down at the ground, inhaling his scent, triggering memories of screams and power. Evan decided he did not want to be a part of this and tried to go around, but the CNA got in his way. “Excuse me! But aren’t you going to say something to me?”
“What do you want me to say?” Evan asked, not meeting his eyes.
“Like, maybe I’m sorry?”
“For what?” Evan asked as he looked at the ceiling, avoiding any kind of eye contact. The CNA opened his mouth in an exaggerated shock.
“You, like, told me I am going to hell,” he said. Evan remembered exactly what he said to this CNA. Evan remembered what the CNA was wearing, the time, the temperature, and the American Crew scent. Instead of acknowledging this, Evan simply shrugged.
“Well, you are. So what do you want me to do about it?” he asked. The CNA stood there with the same shocked expression as Evan walked around him and went upstairs. As he walked through the door, he was greeted by the hustle of all the CNA’s getting the residents to the dining room. Evan slowly walked to the computer room to put down his lunch bag.
“Evan! There you are! I need you to help answer call lights! Our hall way looks like a Christmas tree!” Sandro yelled from the door. Evan just nodded.
“Yeah, I know,” he said as he slowly followed Sandro out of the room and down the hall. He felt his heart fall as every room down the hall had a call light on. One light went out as Mary came out of a room with a resident. Evan hated working with Mary. He hated how she towered over him with her 6 foot stature, demanding things out of him without any kind of ‘thank you’. He watched her walk down the hall with her black curls bouncing in the air.
“Great! Evan! I can answer these two lights, but I need to you to go Susanne’s room and spend some time with her,” demanded Mary.
“Yeah,” he mumbled as he walked down the hall to Susanne’s room, knocking on the door.
“God damn it! What the hell are you guys doing out there? My light was on for forty minutes! I timed it you know!” Susanne yelled from her bed. Evan nodded and turned off her call light.
“Hi Susanne, how can I help you today?” he asked in a non-caring tone, crossing his arms, staring down at her. Susanne glared at him and smiled, pointing a glistening red acrylic nail at him.
“That’s right! Your that Preston boy. My Steven was friends with your dad before he died, god rest his soul,” she said as she moved her legs over the bed, moving to the edge. “Get me into my wheel chair,” she demanded. Evan uncrossed his arms and obeyed. “Is your family still part of that Baptist church?” she asked. Evan helped her stand up and gently moved her towards the wheelchair where she sat down.
“Yep,” he said. Susanne giggled.
“I cannot believe that you are part of that crazy cult! You know, they only love your dad because of all the money he gives them. At least that is what my Steven used to say. Give me my purse,” she demanded. Evan nodded and grabbed her bag. She looked through it, shaking her head. “Your daddy is a good man, but do you honestly believe all of that crazy stuff they talk about?” she asked. Evan looked at her.
“Do you honestly believe your husband died of a heart attack…alone?” he asked. Susanne looked up and glared at him as Evan continued. “My dad knows everything about your Steven,” he said. Susanne breathed deeply as she glared at Evan.
“Take me to the dining room, and get me my coffee,” she ordered.
“Sure,” said Evan as he placed her foot petals on the wheelchair and wheeled her out of her room, enjoying the silence. He placed her at the table, handed her a cup of coffee, and walked over to the nurse’s station to write down some vital signs he remembered taking. He approached the half oval table that was full of multicolored water bottles and charts, looking at the charge nurse Julia talking to Ginny and Mary. They all bothered him. Mary never does anything on the floor and Julia is always ordering him around. Why not? Around here, he is ‘just a CNA’ especially now that he lost this acting role.
“Do you remember Jim? The guy that fell and busted his head open? I heard Patience had to talk to Greg and Lisa about the situation because the family is going to sue the facility,” whispered Ginny. Evan looked up, staring at Ginny’s hair, it was purple today. Every day he tried to guess what color her hair would be and wondered why she always wants to look like an Easter egg.
“Don’t go spreading rumors about that Ginny. We don’t know anything yet,” said Mary in a quiet tone.
“Besides, that is why they get paid the big bucks, so they can handle it talking to Jim’s family,” Julia said as she typed on the computer. Evan laughed out loud and all three looked at him.
“The big bucks? Who here makes big bucks? This is just a butt cleaning job,” Evan mumbled as he folded up his notes of vital signs.
“Dude! This is where people live. It is more than butt cleaning job,” defended Ginny. Evan felt the weight of Julia and Mary’s stares.
“No. We all just come here and do as we are told. We are all overpaid waiters and waitresses. Besides, it was Jim’s time to go. He was already suffering too much from his PTSD, and if his family actually cared, they would know that and just accept his passing,” he said.
“Jim was one of the sweetest residents we have ever had here! He suffered from PTSD so that you can have a good life,” Mary exclaimed in a low tone not. Evan shook his head and smiled.
“Tell yourself that Mary. We all know that Jim could not take care of himself. He was suffering and totally dependent on all of us. Now there is one less person around for the government to pay for,” Evan answered back.
“Go answer your call lights Evan, and please pretend like you give a damn,” said Julia. Evan glared down on her.
“Yes sir!” he said and walked down the hall, knowing all three girls were talking about him, and they should. Evan was the only one who could see through this place, it was a money trap for people who are too busy to take care of their loved ones. West 18th sells the idea of love so people can feel better about sending their loved ones away. Of course, why call them loved ones? Everyone is too busy with their own life, it can’t be interrupted to take care of mom or dad. Just pay someone else to care so you don’t have too. Evan smiled at the idea of seeing through this guilt motivated money trap when he was suddenly blocked by Sandro, towering over him like a giant tree rooted to the ground.
“Evan, do you hate working here?” he asked. Evan felt the judgement from his tone.
“Yes.”
“Then why don’t you just quit? You hate it here, you hate the residents, you hate us. Just leave,” he said. Evan walked as close as he could to Sandro. Even though Sandro had a least a foot of height on Evan, he stilled tried to his hardest to stare him down. Sandro stood his ground.
“I can’t!” he barked back to Sandro, and then walked into a resident’s room and closed the door behind him.
As Evan finished all of his afternoon tasks, he suddenly realized that it was two o’clock. At the end of his hall, he saw Sandro talking to the two aides that were taking over: Allison and Natalie. Evan smiled for the first time today and walked over to them and added a few things to the report. When they were done, Evan walked into the computer room where he saw Mary charting. He walked up to her and put a piece of paper in front of her containing his vital signs.
“Aren’t you going to chart those?” she asked, looking at the vital signs.
“Already done Mary,” he said as he gathered his coat and walked out of the room. He went out the back door to the back of the building, ready to leave West 18th. He could not wait to get in his car, blast his music and forget about today. As he walked down the hall, he stopped. He saw the CNA from the stairwell again. Evan rolled his eyes and tried to walk around him, but the CNA stood right in his way. Evan tried the other direction, and the CNA got right in front of him again.
“What is it?” asked Evan looking at him straight in the eyes. Evan was short for a guy at 5’6, but the CNA was the exact same height, and looked deep Evan’s eyes, not moving or speaking. Evan swallowed, feeling nervous.
“What is my name?” he finally asked.
“I don’t know.”
“We work together, you have condemned me to hell, and you do not even know who I am,” said the CNA.
“I guess I am supposed to say I’m sorry,” Evan said. The CNA studied him silently.
“I’ve been watching you…for a while. Ever since you first started here about two weeks ago, I’ve been watching you. I knew you were at that protest the first second I saw you. I know what you are,” he said.
“Look, I don’t have time for this…”Evan mumbled as he tried to get around the CNA, when a flat hand was thrown, inches from his face.
“I’ve seen you. A lost little boy in the woods with the sounds of wolves howling all around him with yellow eyes watching his every move. You are so scarred, you put on the same wolf mask so that they will not attack you. You play with them, you run with them. It makes you feel safe when you secretly hate all of them,” said CNA said.
“This is stupid…”said Evan.
“I know you. Your family tries to rid the world of gays or anyone in this world that is not as vanilla as you. You claim that the bible hates gays, when you just cherry pick at the comments you want and ignore the rest. You don’t follow the bible,” said the CNA.
“What do you know fag? You go against god’s will!” Evan shouted right in the CNA’s face. The CNA stood still, displaying no effect from Evan as he continued.
“1 Corinthians 16:14: Be completely humble and gently; be patient, bearing with one another in love. You do not love Evan. You hate everyone here, including me. You hate the residents, you hate your coworkers, you hate your own life.”
“Fuck you!” Evan said as he pushed the CNA on the shoulders, feeling the rage he pushed down all day begin to surface. The CNA stepped back, put his hands up in defense.
“I understand Evan. I hated everything too and thought everyone hated me, because I’m gay. So, I am going to show you that everyone does not hate you,” he said as he slowly took out a folded piece of paper and gave it to Evan.
“What’s that?” he asked.
“An invitation to something where no one will judge you…cherry,” he said as he put it in Evans coat pocket. Evan surprisingly let him, studying him as he gently stepped away.
“I hope I see you,” he said as he walked around Evan and back into West 18th. “Oh, and my name is Anthony.” He said as he walked back on the main floor. Evan stood there, soaking up each word Anthony said to him. He took out the piece of paper, and saw an advertisement for Anthony’s drag queen show. On the piece of paper, there was Anthony, all dressed in drag, with the words ‘Starring Antonia Everhard’ printed in cursive at the top of the flyer. Evan starred at the piece of paper, feeling disgusted. He crumbled it up to throw it away, but as he got to the trash can, he couldn’t. He opened it up again, and examined Anthony in the picture. He had a pile of cheap makeup plastered on his face and fake breasts protruding out of the page. Why was Anthony being so nice to him? Evan folded it and put it back in the pocket Anthony placed it in. He stepped outside of West 18th feeling free. He went to his Acura RDX and drove home to Myriad, Colorado’s most secure gated community. He drove up to his parents’ house, parking his car in his part of the four car garage. He walked into the mud room, removed his shoes and saw his mother sitting in the writing room across from him.
“Hi Evy,” she said from her book and martini glass. She did not look up from her book and Evan did not acknowledge her hello. “Dinner at six tonight!” she yelled as he went upstairs to his room. Evan sat down at his desk, with his gaming chair and his PlayStation and started playing his game. His mind was never in the game, but it felt good to blow things up as he just let his mind wonder. It wondered to all of the smells he had to deal with during the day, the orders from the nurses Mary and Julia, the judgment from all of the other coworkers at the facility, and then Anthony. He tried to push him out of his mind, but somehow, Anthony always pushed himself back int. Why is he so being so nice?
It was six pm. Evan went downstairs, seeing a chef that his mother and father hired laying out the evening meal. Evan sat down next to his father who was at the head of the table and across from his mother. His mother wore a blue dress with a slit that went down her chest, exposing more cleavage than he wanted to see. Her hair was sprayed where it stood up against gravity, sipping a colorful red martini with more than one lipstick stain on the glass. His father sat next to him, silent and cold. Evan noticed his father’s brown hair and high cheek bones. Most people would say Mr. Preston had a pleasant toothy smile. To Evan, only saw his father smile when he was about to punish him, making Evan sacred of smiling people. Mr. Preston sat in his Armani suit and silk blue tie as he allowed the wait staff to serve dinner, not smiling.
“Evy! You are here! We hired the chef from the local Italian restaurant to cook for us tonight! I know you got good news today,” she said as she raised her glass, rattling it to him. Evan glared at his mother.
“I did not get the part. Didn’t dad tell you?” he asked. Mrs. Preston looked at her husband as he starred at his plate. “So dad, are we going to sue them? Didn’t they take the money?” he asked.
“Evan. They did not take the money. They said it would go against their creative outlook to be encouraged to hire certain people for certain parts. So, it all depended on your audition.” Evan felt his stomach sink. He really is bad at acting. “Son, if you love this so much, then go do some theater at the local play house.”
“I belong in movies dad. I am too good for theater,” he mumbled, playing with his food.
“If it wasn’t for me, you would be dead on the street by now,” Mr. Preston said in a low voice, as he took a bite of his fettucine.
“Dad! What do you expect me to do? I have a learning disability. I can’t do other jobs except this one, and the only reason I have this shitty CNA job is because you said you would kick me out if I didn’t do something good for society,” Evan exclaimed with frustration. Mrs. Preston took another sip of her martini as they stayed quite at the table. Evan thought about the piece of paper in his pocket.
“Dad? Do we follow the bible?” he asked. Mr. Preston dropped his fork, as his mother looked at him as if he just killed a puppy.
“Yes Evan. We follow all parts of the bible,” he said.
“So, why do we hate gays? Aren’t we supposed to love them? I mean the bible says love everyone,” Evan said, looking at his father, noticing Mr. Preston’s strong grip on the table cloth.
“You shall not lie with a male as with a woman; it is an abomination. Leviticus 18:22.” Mr. Preston recited. Evan saw his mother nod as she sipped more of her martini.
“So, that just says people shouldn’t be gay,” said Evan.
“Evy, homosexuality is a sin. People that practice it are going to hell. We…,” she said as she circled her finger around all of them at the table, “are trying to save them. We are the only people out there that tell gays what they are doing is wrong. Everyone else has to be accepting even though it is not natural. Nobody loves them more than we do because we are telling them the truth. We are trying to save them.”
“Why are you asking this son? We have had this conversation already.” Mr. Preston asked, not making eye contact. Evan shrugged as he played with his food.
“It is just that, I work with this gay guy, and he said that we are only picking one thing from the bible to enforce and we ignore all of the other rules,” he said. “He called it cherry picking.” Mr. Preston nodded.
“Sounds like he is scarred and just trying to make you feel the same way. We follow all parts of the bible,” Mr. Preston said as he took a bite of his food. Evan nodded as he looked at his mother, drinking more of her glowing red martini.
“Doesn’t it say somewhere in the bible that drinking is wrong? I think I remember that from one of my classes,” said Evan. His mother coughed out parts of her drink as she put her glass down.
“Evan! They serve wine in church! It is the blood of Christ! Besides we do so much for all of the gays, trying to save them and everything! God still loves me, even if I have a drink…once in a while,” she wailed. Evan nodded, trying to remember a night where she was sober.
“It’s just, if we are protesting about one thing in the bible, shouldn’t we protest and practice all things? Like this house for example. I remember from bible camp…I think it was Luke 12:15, saying something like ‘Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; Life does not consist in an abundance of possessions’ and look at us! We have frickin chefs cooking us dinner in our 5800 square foot house! Mom wears six different kinds of rings at one time and I have more shoes than I know what to do with! Do we really follow the bible?” Evan yelled. He looked at this father, and felt fear running up his spine. He dad looked at him, smiling his toothy grin as the table grew quiet and cold. Evan froze.
“Yes Son. We follow the important parts of the bible, and saving the gays from hell and making them pray for forgiveness is the most important thing we can do for them, for our society, and for our Lord. I think it is time for some more education for you son. Why don’t we send you to that bible camp again? You know, the one where you met Tiffany?” he asked. Mrs. Preston squealed.
“Oh! Tiffany! I love her! We talk about you two getting married all the time! Plus you both just turned 21, so I think it is time for us to start getting serious. You love Tiffany, don’t you?” asked Mrs. Preston. Evan sighed laying back into his chair and looked at the ceiling.
“She will be good for you son, trust me,” said Mr. Preston. His smile went away and they all ate in silence. Evan finished his meal and went back into his room and laid on his bed. He took out the piece of paper again, thinking about Anthony. Why is he being so nice? Evan could not figure it out, a stranger inviting him out of the blue to something. Evan laid back and starred at the ceiling, thinking about Anthony, his kindness, and the bible. Does his family really follow all the rules from the bible? Why was a gay man showing any kind of acceptance to him? Evan wanted to throw the paper away, and just forget about all of this. Tiffany might be available to hang out tonight. Evan looked at the paper one last time. Making up his mind, he went into the bathroom, took a shower, put on his jeans and polo shirt, found his best Nike’s and sprayed himself down with Bleu de Chanel. If his parents are going to ask him where he is going, he decided to tell them Tiffany’s. He went downstairs, finding his mother passed out in the reading room with two empty martini glasses with lipstick all over the rim, and his father disappeared. Nobody asked him where he was going. Evan got into his Acura and went downtown to a bar called ‘The Town.’ He went to the entrance and there he saw in giant letters ‘Drag Queen Show Tonight starring Antonia Everhard.’ Evan went to the door, paid ten dollars, and went in to see if there really is a world where people do not judge yo