Edward looked in the mirror, trying to put on as much concealer as he could, determined to hide as much of his face as he could. He had to look good tonight. He was surprised that of all people, a girl would ask him to out, even if it is with a large group of people, she asked him. Edward looked in the mirror, starring at the three scares running down the left side of his face. The scars were so deep, part of his left eye drooped, as if the scar was dragging his eye down with it. They reminded him of rivers you would see in a map, cutting through fresh cut land, make themselves known. Not satisfied but knowing there is nothing else he can do, he put on his baseball hat, leaning it more to the left side, trying to hide what he could of his face. Feeling more confident with his hat on, which acted as his security blanket, he took a deep breath and walked out of his room. It was the same room he grew up in. The same brown paneling, with a brown shag carpet. He wore his jeans, and a blue polo shirt. He went down the short hallway and saw his father, laying on the velvet green couch next to his oxygen tank, with two tiny plugs going into his nose. He was watching reruns of Bonanza.
“I am going out dad,” he said as he went to grab his big winter coat. He saw his father nod and start coughing.
“Where are you going?” he managed to say between coughs, starring at the TV.
“Out with some friends from work.”
“Good, bring me back some cigarettes, will you?” he asked. Edward rolled his eyes.
“Dad, you are not supposed to smoke next to the oxygen. Remember? It will blow us up?” he muttered.
“Oh, bring me back some beer then,” he said. Edward laughed.
“Do you really need that dad?” he asked.
“Yes, if I can’t smoke, then I will drink,” he said.
“Ok, don’t wait up,” Edward said as he left the house and got into his Honda accord. He turned it on and wiped the snow off, wishing he could keep his car in the garage. He has debated moving out of his dad’s house many of times. He is a pharmacist, makes great money, yet he still lives in the bedroom he grew up in. In the end, he always talks himself into staying and caring for his dad. His dad stayed with him when he was in pain and through his ordeal; he will do the same for his dad.
The Honda warmed up, and the snow was off the car. Edward drove slowly to a bar called “The Town.” He has never been to a drag show before. Part of him was really excited to be out, another part of him was scarred of all the stares he will get. After 30 years of getting stares, he thought that he would be used to it by now, but that never happened. He was always going to be stared at with constant whispering behind his back for rest of his life. He parked his accord, took a deep breath, getting prepared for the stares and whispers, and walked up the venue. He paid his ten bucks and bravely walked in seeing all sorts of different people in multitude of colors. He saw men with green hair wearing rainbow shirts with high heels, and women with shaved heads, tight white tank tops, and faces covered with glitter and tattoos. He had to smile, thinking of people purposely scarring their face when he did not have a choice.
“Hey Edward!” Edward stopped in his footsteps, felt himself smile, recognizing the voice. He turned around and there was Mary, sitting at a table marked reserved. She waved at him, smiling while her long black curls bounced with the wave of her arm. He focused on her and walked up to the table. He felt his scars start to burn with embarrassment, yet still smiled, making everyone believe he was happy to be there and that this is something he does all of the time.
“Hey Mary,” he said gently, not taking his eyes off her. She smiled at him as she sipped on her beer.
“Do you know everyone here?” she asked. Edward moved the tip of his baseball hat up and looked around at the people from West 18th wave at him. He saw Patience smile at him, with her long black braids glowing red and green from the lights bouncing off. Next to her was a big male CNA that he sometimes sees but could not remember his name. He also saw a bunch of the other nurses he knew mostly from the day shift. He recognized Constance sitting next to Mary, holding a martini glass, and he thought he had a slight glimpse of Jasmine, off in a corner with a beer in one hand and her cell phone in the other, talking to a large group of people.
“Wow! Edward, it so nice to put the face with the name,” Patience said gently, holding her hand out. Edward went right to thinking about his scars, but just smiled as he gently shook it. “This is Sandro, one of the best CNA’s at West 18th,” she said, pointing to him. Edward was tall at 6’1” but felt himself looking up to Sandro as he hovered over him.
“Edward!” he said as he shook Edwards’s hand in a rough but friendly handshake. Edward followed suit, or at least did what he felt was right. “Patience tells me you are one of the pharmacists for West 18th,” he said taking a sip of his beer.
“Yes, I talk to Patience, Mary, Constance, and that other nurse over there, Jazz? I talk to all of them almost every day,” Edward said, trying not to think of Sandro starring at his scars.
“That’s what happens when you work at West 18th, you get to know everyone very well,” he joked. Edward laughed, remembering many late nights he spent at the pharmacy and how many times he was woken up in the middle of the night by Patience for a medication emergency.
“Well, sometimes, it is the only place I really like to be,” he said, as he looked back at Mary, who was talking to Patience. Sandro followed his glance looking at the girls.
“I hear you,” he agreed. “You know, I thought about going into pharmaceuticals, but I actually decided to apply to PA school instead,” he said as he took another sip of his beer.
“Really?”
“Yep! I am waiting to hopefully hear this week, and maybe I will start in the fall. It has been taking forever, I mean, I have been doing this waitlist crap for three years. So, I hope this will be it.”
“Wow, I hope so to,” said Edward gently. Sandro nodded.
“Well, when you see something that you want, you go all out for it, you know?” he said, smiling at Patience who looked at them and waved. Edward thought of his dad and being his provider as well.
“Yeah, I hear you,” he said gently as he looked Mary, motioning them with one finger to come see her. Patience sat really close to her, arm around her shoulder. Edward noticed her motioning to Constance, Ginny, and Jasmine. He saw Mary look at a dark corner towards a little guy of about 5’6, with slicked brown hair and a Ralph Lauren Polo, hiding in the dark. He looked at Mary summoning him and ignored it at first.
“Christ, Evan! Come here! If you don’t care about us, then why did you come?” she yelled. Evan rolled his eyes and walked up to the small group. Edward noticed a bartender coming with a bunch of small glasses as he placed them on the table.
“Add it to the tab Stephano,” said Mary with a smile. Stephano winked and walked away as Mary handed each of them a shot glass.
“Ladies and gentlemen,” Mary yelled to the small group, “I would like to propose a toast. First, to Patience, who has decided to come out and have fun for the first time in her life,” Mary laughed, nudging Patience, as she smiled.
“Well, my mom said she would watch the kids, and practically forced me out the door,” she laughed.
“And, to Jim,” said Mary, as the whole group went silent. “To a man who fought for our country, who was good to all that met him, a loving father and grandfather, and who was the greatest gentleman any of us had the privilege of taking care of.” Edward remembered ending Jim’s medication account at the Pharmacy. He looked at all the nurses and CNA’s together, with their heads down thinking about him, as Mary wiped one of her eyes. Edward looked at Evan who starred at the ceiling, waiting for the moment to be over. Suddenly Sandro laughed as everyone looked at him.
“Sorry guys. Its just…well…when I think of Jim…I just think about how crazy he was about the facility’s red velvet cake,” he said smiling.
“I remember that!” Ginny laughed. “He would practically smother his whole face into that cake, we couldn’t keep it away from him.” Suddenly Mary and Constance were laughing as well, thinking about some of the funny things Jim did, especially with the red velvet cake dessert the facility would serve.
“Man, our Jim,” said Sandro, wiping a tear from his eye from sadness and laughing. He then raised his glass into the air. “To Jim!” he yelled.
“To Jim!” everyone else yelled in unison. Edward joined and downed the shot, feeling the warm liquid burn his throat. Everyone downed the drink fast, except for Evan, who just held it, eerily starring at everyone, not understanding what is going on and what to do with the drink. Edward saw Evan place the drink back on the table, and walked to his corner, hiding in the shadow. He suddenly felt an arm around him.
“Dude! Edward!” Edward nearly jumped from surprise as he looked into Jasmine’s eyes, twinkling from the shot she just took. She had green streaks in her boy short hair and glitter eye shadow that sparkled with the neon lights. She squeezed right next to him, putting her arm around his shoulders. “Putting the face with the name. Tell me, as a pharmacist, what is the street price of something, let’s say Percocet?” she asked laughing. Edward felt shocked by the question and shrugged.
“I don’t know, ten dollars a pill?” he asked. He heard Mary laugh, looking at Jas.
“Seriously Jas? What are you planning on doing? Quit nursing and sell drugs?” she asked.
“Hey, I have student loans to pay off and I am a single mom, gotta get it where I can,” she joked back. Edward left Jasmine’s grip and walked towards Mary to sit down next to her.
“Here Edward, I bought you another beer,” she giggled as she handed him his drink. Edward smiled as he took the drink from Mary and felt himself succumb to the moment. For the first time in a long time, he forgot about his scars, about his dad, and his life outside those doors. He looked at Constance and Ginny, talking to each other, Sandro, hovering protectively over Patience, Jasmine floating around the room, talking to anyone that would give her attention, and Evan, hiding in the shadows. He looked back at Mary and smiled.
“Thank you for inviting me out. This is really nice,” he said. Mary smiled and gave him a hug. He was about to say something when the lights went out and a person appeared on stage.
“What’s up bitches!” the drag queen yelled as everyone cheered. Edward smiled, as he looked at the drag queen, with a full beard, and a black sequenced body suit that had a slit from the top all the way to her belly button. Edward noticed how she pranced on stage with her high heels with fish net stockings.
“Damn! I think she pays more money for her makeup then I do for my whole wardrobe,” said Mary as she clapped and cheered. Edward sat back and smiled as he nursed his beer.
“So, I think I know why all of you bitches are here, so I am not going to keep you too long. I knew this bitch before she became a cross dressed bedazzled hooker,” she said as the crowd laughed and cheered. “So, put it up for the singing, the dancing, and some amazing flips of Miss Antonia Everhard!” She screamed as everyone cheered. Edward laughed and clapped, as Mary screamed next to him.
“Go Antonia!” she yelled. Edward saw Antonia come on stage in a pink body suit and a pink wig that was three feet high. She wore pink high heeled shoes, and black sheer pantyhose. As she walked on the stage, she looked toward their crowd and smiled. She moved her hips to each step, calling everyone to look at them. Edward noticed Antonia looking into the dark corner Evan was hanging out in and saw her wink. Edward looked at Evan, showing no emotion as he stood there, starring at Antonia, looking angry as ever.
“Hello all you freak bitches! So, tonight, I am going to dance and sing to a song that I picked out for a special young man,” she said as she got close to the microphone. Some peopled whistled and oh’d in the crowd. “Yes, that’s right! I have always been a one guy one gal type of lady, and this song goes out to one special and accepting kind of guy,” she whispered into the mic. Edward looked at Evan again. He did not move. The music suddenly blasted out of the speakers, and Edward recognized the song ‘Cherry Bomb’. He watched Antonia dance as the song played, doing backflips and splits on stage all while mouthing the words to ‘Ch-Ch-Ch-Cherry Bomb!’ always glancing in Evans’s direction. Edward was mesmerized by the lights shining off Antonia’s sequence, and how acrobatic she was. She danced on stage as people threw dollar bills at her, ending the whole song with a split and red lights shinning right on her. Edward laughed and cheered for her along with Mary and the group. Edward peaked again at Evan, but noticed he was gone. He looked around the venue, but he was nowhere to be seen. Not thinking twice about it, he sat back and watched Mary cheer for next performer on stage. Her black curls bounced along with the music as lights streamed their way through it, making her hair glow. He has always wanted to run his hands through her hair, feel them get tangled in a weave of Mary. Instead, he took a small sip of his beer, not really enjoying it.
“Not much of a drinker, are you?” asked Sandro as he sat down next to Edward.
“No, I guess not,” he said.
“My dad is a drinker. Used to come home really drunk a lot and pass out on the couch,” said Sandro shaking his head, starring at Patience. “Her dad was a drinker too.” Edward looked at Patience, noticing she held a glass of dark soda, talking to Constance and Ginny.
“And here we are, at a bar,” said Edward, smiling. Sandro laughed.
“I guess you can’t get away from it. It just follows everywhere, begging you to take a taste, and when you do, you become this weird version of yourself,” he said.
“Or maybe you become the real version,” said Edward.
“Real?”
“Yeah, what if all of us are putting on an act, and when you get alcohol involved, that act goes away, allowing the real you to come out?”
“Or you use it as an excuse. My dad was so bad, my mom had to take us away from him,” said Sandro, as he watched Patience.
“My mom died when I was ten,” said Edward, starring at his drink.
“Gosh man, I am really sorry. That must have been hard,” said Sandro. Edward nodded, thinking about how hard it was for his dad to raise him.
“Well, at least I still have someone, I guess. But my dad has lung cancer. Still smokes his cigarettes. I don’t know how long it will be until I am all by myself,” he said, as he looked at Mary, dancing with Jazz along with the drag queen on stage. Sandro followed his stare and smiled.
“You know, she might be breaking up with her boyfriend,” he said. Edward looked at Sandro.
“How do you know?” Sandro shrugged.
“She talks to me and Patience, it doesn’t take much to put together when all you hear is how bad the guy is. Apparently, her boyfriend is so bad with drinking, he hides it in their apartment. She has found it in the couch, behind the bed. All he wants to do is drink and sleep. I don’t think it will be long before Mary realizes that he is not the right guy for her,” said Sandro. Edward stayed silent, thinking what he would do if Mary was available. There was no way she would ever go on a date with him. He had flash backs of the two girls he tried to ask out. He was refused by a laugh and another one going ‘Eww!’ His scars started to burn again.
“She would never go out with me. Girls don’t like me,” he said looking down at his drink, feeling his scars glow.
“You’d be surprised. Mary is probably the one of the only real people I know out there. If there is one way to describe her, it would be she cares for everyone. She obviously likes you. I mean she invited you out,” said Sandro. Edward was about to say something when suddenly Mary came crashing towards the table. Edward jumped back surprised.
“Hi boys!” she giggled. Patience was suddenly behind her.
“Mary, you are drunk! How many shots have you taken?” Patience asked. Mary laughed as she held out six fingers. “Lord girl, you need to go home,” she said. Mary laughed.
“No, I want to dance some more, come on Patience! Let’s go dance!” she yelled. Edward laughed as he watched her go back out.
“I think she might need to go home” Edward said.
“Dude, you should take her home. It will give you two some alone time,” said Sandro as he stood up and walked over to Mary, and pulled her from the dance floor. “Come on Mary, you need to sit down.”
“Aww! Sandro! Come on, let’s all go dance! You to Edward! Eddie!” she laughed. Edward blushed, suddenly remembering his mom, how she used to call him Eddie.
“Actually Mary, you need to go home. Edward is going to take you,” said Sandro. Edward blushed harder, not knowing how Mary would feel about that. Mary did not fight back, but just laughed at Sandro.
“I am fine Sandro! Patience can just give me a bag of normal saline, and I will be just fine! Right Patience?” she asked looking at her.
“No, you need to go home and have Derrick take care of you,” said Patience. Mary rolled her eyes.
“He can’t even take care of a house plant,” she growled as she stumbled, grabbing her purse. “Ok Eddie! Take me home tonight!” she sang as she started towards the door. Edward looked at Sandro and smiled.
“Take care of our Mary Bro,” he said.
“It was good talking to you Sandro, see you around West 18th,” he said as they shook hands. Edward walked outside after he got his coat on, only to see Mary puking in the bushes next to the bar. Edward sighed and walked up to her, holding her hair back. He was grateful to be touching her hair, but this was not how he imagined. “Are you ok Mary?” he asked gently. Mary stood up and nodded.
“Yeah, I will be fine. Where is your car?”
“Here, I will take you to it,” he said as they slowly walked down the sidewalk, Mary stumbling on the way. As they approached his car, he opened the passenger door for her, and helped her in, buckling her seatbelt. He went into the driver’s side, goggled the address she mumbled, and started to take her home. There was silence in the car. Edward felt awkward, not knowing if he should start some conversation. Mary was looking out the window, groaning.
“Are you feeling ok Mary?” he asked, breaking the silence.
“Yeah, I’m going to be ok. I, well, just I haven’t allowed myself to have fun like that in a long time,” she said, starring out the window.
“Well, it was a good time,” he said, smiling. “Thank you for inviting me out. It has been a long time since I had that much fun too,” he said. Mary turned and looked at him and smiled.
“You are always invited to come out with us,” she said, as she closed her eyes. “It is sad though; I have to depend on my work friends to have something of a life. All that is going to happen is I am going to go home, drunk, and Derrick will be passed out on the couch, drunk too. It is a lovely site to see,” she said. Edward continued to drive, not knowing what to say.
“Are you happy with Derrick?” he finally asked, suddenly regretting his question, thinking he crossed a boundary.
“Nope! I don’t even know why I am with him. He used to make me happy. At one time, I thought we were going to get married. We used to be good together, but something happened. It is like, we are bored of each other. So, he drinks, and I work,” she said, turning her stare to Edward. He felt her looking at him, scarred of what she was going to ask next. “What happened to your face?” she asked. Edward grinded his teeth. At least she asked politely, not like others, where they say ‘Damn boy! What made you so ugly?’
“I was attacked by a dog when I was five, tore my face. Doctors said I was lucky that I did not lose my left eye. This is the best they can do with plastic surgery,” he said, starring at the road, as his scars burned brighter.
“I’m sorry Eddie. I am really sorry that happened to you,” she said gently. Edward nodded starring at the road. “You know, I still think you look really good,” she said starring at him. Edward was silent, not used to taking a compliment.
“Thank you,” he said as he pulled into the parking lot of her apartment. He turned off the car and they sat there for a minute in silence.
“Sorry if that was a rude question. I am a little drunk,” she whispered smiling.
“It’s ok. I get asked all the time. It is just, well, I don’t want you to think of me as the guy with scars that you should feel sorry for,” he said.
“Well, the same goes for you. I don’t want you feeling sorry for me as the girl that can’t get her shitty life together,” she laughed as she gathered her stuff. “Hey, thank you for the ride and for making sure I got home safe. I really appreciate it,” she said.
“Do you need me to walk you to the door, just to make sure you are ok?” he asked.
“No. I will be ok,” she said as she sat in the car, not getting out. “You know, if I leave, I will just be going into the same mess that I go home to everyday. A drunk boyfriend and no future.” Mary paused starring out the window, not moving. Edward just stayed quiet looking at her. “Did you ever feel stuck?” she asked, continuing her stare out the window.
“Every day,” he said.
“Me too. Thanks Eddie,” she said, putting her hand on his shoulder, starring at him. He looked at her and smiled, as he watched her get out of the car and stumble back to her apartment.